I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
