so explain again why im purple
no
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
