my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
