dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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