I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
