He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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