ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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