Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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