go do what you do best...puke behind churches
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize