Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
