Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
