I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
