What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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