He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
