I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
