Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
