I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
