And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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