remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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