a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
