Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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