We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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