Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
