Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
