Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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