It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
