Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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