She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
