i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
