She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
