I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
