I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
