i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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