i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
