i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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