i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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