Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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