she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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