No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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