I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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