But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
