I am puke
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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