I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
