I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
