you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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