sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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