I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
