hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
