xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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