there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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