If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
