look no pants
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
