She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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