Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
