The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
