Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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