The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I could fuck to npr.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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