hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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