is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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