Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
