i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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