Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?