Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.