wanna go halves on a baby?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.