I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down