I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
