It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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