Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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