o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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