His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
