just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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