But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
These tits shall not be calmed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
