You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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