Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
