I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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