Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
