On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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