So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
50% drunk capacity currently
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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